Krysten's Journal

11:48am: i miss spain so much it hurts.

7:17am: SPIDERMAN 3
- yeah, don't see it.

i didn't like it at all. i don't understand what the good reviews are all about and i feel like the only reason it's making money is because of the franchise. i just remember sitting there with this kind of depressed feeling, like, man, this is what mainstream american movies have come to? do they think we're all idiots? are there no more original ideas?

by the end, i felt like a piece of play-doh - manipulated. like i could just picture the screenwriters or whoever sitting around some boardroom saying, ok, here, we want the viewer to feel like THIS! here, sympathetic! here, suspenseful! here, patriotic!

yeah, that's right, patriotic - oh my god - there was actually a shot of spiderman flying in front of an american flag - like he's swinging around and there's a momentarily freeze-frame with the flag in the bag, an entire vision of red-white-and-blue, like including his costume. again, i was picturing the Boardroom Team saying to each other, ok, we're at war! americans want and need a hero for their times! let's give them...spiderman! a symbol of hope for our country!

yeah, i felt played. sort of violated actually.

...i think the spaniards were especially taken aback from that part because it was so in-your-face.

and need i say that it was so obvious conservatives made the movie? there really were waaay too many-to-possibly-be-subtle christian allusions - like someone praying in a church for way too long, spiderman sitting on top of a cathedral, images of crosses, etc etc...oh my god. hahaha what if htey had chosen to show the star and crescent of islam? lol like that would fly! the Boardroom People would be like, no, that's the symbol of the terrorists! we have to support our boys!


yeah, so it felt like an entirely different team of people worked on it. no continuity. i felt like i was watching some too-long television miniseries the whole time.just really tame and predictable and formulaic, but like not based on a formula from spiderman - more like, based on a formula from any outdated superhero movie.

like i said before, have all the original ideas already been exploited and used up?

OH! and the acting was just awful, the whole thing, from the leads to the extras. i don't know what went wrong! because i have in particular thought that kirsten dunst anyway can act ok - i like some of what she's done in other movies - but it was disappointing here. plus, she was SO SKINNY that it was actually distracting. i kept thinking - damn, you are just like the people in high school that i used to ridicule for throwing up between classes.

and tobey maguire - well, he hasn't aged well - or they used too-high-res on him or i don't know what - because for some reason, it was really awkward to watch him do anything sexual. like....hm, that shouldnt be.

8:50pm: portuguese
i just got back from porto, portugal, where port wine comes from. the portuguese language is so beautiful. everyone should listen to it. i could hear elements of all the romance languages - spanish, french, italian...and the way they speak, the rhythm, really resembles italian to me (as in, "MA-ma MI-a!") ......and i was surprised - because i can speak spanish now, i was able to understand here and there. a lot of the changes from spanish to portuguese are very formulaic - for example, the "s" sound in many cases, as in "mismo", becomes a sound more like "sh" or "zj". and the n's become m's...i mean, it's not an exact science, but what i've realized is that once you know one romance language, it becomes so much easier to learn another.

when i had breakfast at the hotel, i picked up a portuguese newspaper and actually got the gist of most of the stories. the pictures didn't hurt, hehehe.

it was great to try speaking portuguese there too, because i feel like they have a more welcoming attitude towards english-speakers than do spaniards. maybe that's because of their centuries-long alliance with england. .....that's also reflected in the fact that they use subtitles in their movies instead of dubbing, as they do in spain. some spaniards have favorite actors but have never heard their real voices!!!


i wish english were more advantageous, like conducive to learning other languages. i mean, yeah, we have a tremendous advantage because it is one of the world's major languages and THE business and internet language, but i feel like there isn't a language SO similar to english as portuguese is to the other romance ones...english is a germanic language, yes, but i feel like german (for instance) and english are still worlds apart. of course i have never studied german, but i think i would be able to understand more of it already were it more similar to english.

maybe dutch is more similar - they even have the same word for "cholesterol" as we do. ...of course pronounced differently, though. i think dutch would be so hard to learn. i have been there 5 or 6 times but have only retained "goddamit", "the check please", "yes", "really good", and "thank you"

2:54am: rant
soooooo my baggage is lost. no not delayed...lost. officially, because it has been more than 5 days. actually, the whole plane's bags were lost. incredible. that bag was 70+ pounds of ummmm my life over the past 4 months...all my best clothes and shoes...my retainer....all my christmas gifts and souvenirs for people....medication...expensive perfume...ohhh just everything. terah said i should be happy to be freed from my possessions :-D but mainly im just pissed off because i just know this is all because some spaniards were lazy and didnt do their jobs. i sincerely wish that i could personally take my bag and put it under the plane myself, if it's that much trouble. ill do it without getting paid to do it!! just hate to trust other people with my things.

and i can only receive up to $600 compensation. bullshit. the bag alone is worth almost $200, and my retainer is about $300. not to mention everything else...

the AA representative the other day told me that flights coming out of Madrid Barajas Airport are notorious for lost and delayed luggage. wow so let me get this straight...if you fly internationally and decide to check your bag (which many people now have to do, because of the liquids rule), you MAY or MAY NOT get it back.

and there's really nothing i can do about it!!! because supposedly they are doing "everything they can"....and every time i call anywhere im put on hold for forever...grrrr

if only there were some other means of getting yourself to europe....like a really fast boat or something. ...for this spring, im buying luggage insurance, no doubt. it's actually quite cheap.

3:00pm: weeelllllll spain is almost over. wait, just kidding, no it's not!!! i am coming back in the spring and staying from the beginning of february to the beginning of june!!!

let's see, my dad is going to take several business trips to india over the next couple yrs and already has points from other trips, so he has a ton of points to spare to help me with the plane ticket (god bless him). i have the study abroad scholarship i got last summer....hm. i wish the euro wasnt kicking the dollar's ass so much though. i heard it's now like 1.4-something...man.

i have an english-teaching job waiting for me (i had an unpaid english-teaching internship this fall and loved it), I already have a suite-mate for the student residence, and to graduate, i will take classes at the Universidad de Salamanca, the OLDEST university in europe!!! founded 1218, oh my god!!!! it makes my college seem like an infant...and austin college is the oldest university in texas (18-something..)

um i think it's pretty obvious im so so sososoo excited!!!!!!!!!!!!

i will be in TX for all of january, except if my 18-yr-old cousin actually decides to get married in arizona. but....i would love to see whoever i can during that time.
i missed Texas, the US, my family, and several people a whole lot this past semester. i'm not bullshitting, i'm being sincere. there is so much i still miss about the US. my mother thinks im going to kiss the ground when i get back. she said "trust me". a few months ago i would have agreed, but ive grown to like spain. BUT interestingly....this experience has made me more patriotic. i can totally love my country but hate bush/the politics.

hm but i think i am making the right choice. this opportunity will never come again, right?

6:06am: so i just returned from holland. it was my third visit in the past couple years.

it is official: amsterdam is my favorite city in the whole entire world. i love it so much and i miss it terribly. i am experiencing some severe dutch withdrawal.

maybe i can live there one day. i am not kidding. i already know a few dutch words :-D

3:28pm: ive officially been in salamanca, spain for almost a week! it feels as if ive been here forever, judging by the amount of stuff that has happened and changed in my life in such a small amount of time. ok, a few things:

--my feet hurt from walking CONSTANtLY (and i do wear reasonably comfortable shoes)
--my host mom, pilar, talks so much (doesnt know english) that meals wiht her take AT LEAST 2 hours at a time. it's so hard to pay attention to her, and i have stock phrases i use like "que triste" and "que interesante"
--the city is so beautiful that i feel like im at a carefully constructed theme park
--my roommate is younger than my sister but surprisingly cool, and we make great roommates and allies against the host family (which is ok, but read on.....)
--pilar, my host mom, has 21-yr-old twin sons. one of them is named nacho and lives with us. but my roommate and i have never seen his face!! we have only seen the back of his head and the other day we saw his arm as he reached around the wall to throw something away. we also hear his voice constantly as he argues wiht his mother. i think he hates my roommate (who is named kristen) and i. he avoids us and eats his meals alone is his room. i think i know why he hates us though - my roommate and i have invaded his adn his brothers' rooms! so nacho has to sleep in the same room as his mother!!!!!!

more later, im going to watch the fireworks. :-D id reeaallllly appreciate comments here as i do miss home.....

9:48pm: God. I am going to Spain tomorrow. I jsut can't wrap my head around that. Today was such an emotional day - I think I've been putting off the emotional side of the whole thing - it's hard to envision myself in a foreign country for 3 1/2 months. These feelings I'm feeling right now are similar to those I felt the night before I left for college 4 years ago...but back then, I had the security blanket of knowing that I could come home if I wanted.

I think I'm brave. I admire what I'm doing, that I'm getting outside of my comfort zone and all that, blah-blah-blah. But at the same time I feel scared. A big fat sleeping pill is definitely in order for tonight. and speaking of which - I'm exhausted. I'm going to hit the hay.

--Krysten

PS - i thank god that sonia will be there, even if not for a few more weeks - especially at the moment it's so comforting.



I'll write more when I get to Spain!!

11:08pm: If you are not sleep-deprived, you do not have a life.



Anyway. Obviously I am sleep-deprived right now and attempting to rationalize it out to myself. Tonight was the first concert of this year's choir tour, and Chad, god bless him, came up and sat for the two-hour long ordeal, though he said he liked it. oh, and we went to rockfish and ate truly delicious food: fish tacos with ancho-chile sauce, spicy gumbo soup wiht andouille sausage and shrimp, and of course budweiser, the lovely old standby. i know all the details bc i used to work there, and man did the place bring back memories. i was really disappointed though because mckinnney's health code doesn't allow them to throw peanut shells on the floor like they do in all the other rockfishes. some kid somewhere likely had an allergic reaction and ruined it thereafter for the rest of us, ah well. so choir tour this weekend...one of the cities is austin. i will be seeing terah, who will whisk me away from the busload of choir people of whom i will have likely gotten quite sick. haha, that was awkwardly worded. betsy this weekend too, since she also lives there. i have a lot mroe to say, but I'm tired, and ill write more later.

oh, and to all of you who know, the SINUS SHOW will be in dallas on EASTER SUNDAY (i got an email from them) doing dirty dancing at the studio movie grill in addison! i'm SO THERE!!!

8:45am: everyone. i am doing my junior recital on Saturday, April 29, at 2PM in Wynne Chapel at Austin College (we just set a date yesterday). I will be splitting an hour of classical, Broadway, and jazz music with this amazing tenor named Bobby. accompanying instrumentalists: jazz pianist, classical pianist, bassist, clarinet player, and drummer. Anyway - everyone and anyone is welcome and would be GREATLY appreciated; it should be a good show. Reception afterward. invitations will likely go out a few weeks before. thanks!!! love, k

5:14pm: My poor little cat Porsche died - we (my family) had to put him to sleep. Poor thing, he was 16 years old and diabetic...as it was, my parents have been having to give him injections twice a day for the last few years...and when he died, his body temperature was only 94 degrees (cats are supposed to be 101), and his blood pressure was so low that the vet could hardly find a little vein to put in an IV. I was there when he died. When he got his lethal injection, it was so sad, his body spasmed and his head just fell slowly like he was finally giving up. Jennifer and I then spent some time crying over his body, which was stretched out defeated with the eyes slightly open, for a few minutes. It was so eerie; we kept petting and touching him as if he could still feel it, and I half kept expecting him to wake up again. this may be a poor comparison, but i recognized the feeling as what I felt at Mrs. Clowe's funeral, staring at her body in the open casket - like any minute she would open her eyes and smile and talk to me. i think they call it denial. The whole thing makes me depressed just thinking about it - even today, during a video we were watching in class, my eyes smarted with tears when the screen suddenly filled with the image of a cat. I really didn't think i would BE this upset, i mean, ive been anticipating his death for awhile now, but... i grew up with him. we got him when i was just 4, and he's been a presence for most of the significant events of my childhood - he even went with us on some vacations. he was always there to cuddle up to me when i was upset..he was such a good cat. poor sweetie. someone told me that i was a shepherd of the earth to him, to one of god's little defenseless creatures....and that made me feel better in a way. because porsche had a good, long life, even as a sick old cat.

6:40am: all you ever wanted to know about bidding on top-choice, super-human egg and sperm. check it out, its just disturbing enough to be worth it.

http://www.ronsangels.com/index2.html

7:45pm: reflecting
Last night was U2 with the fam. It was a lot of fun...ended up going to bed at 3:30 and accidentally waking at 5:30 bc I forgot to take daylight savings into consideration when setting chad's cell alarm clock....but i just left then for sherman bc it was too late to get more sleep. so after this morning i fell asleep at around 2AM and JUST now woke up. when i woke up, it was dark, and it totally threw me off. it really could have been 3AM or 7:30PM (which it was) as far as i was concerned. im STILL feeling thrown-off.

something cool happened last night: i dreamt in spanish!! doesnt that mean im a lot closer in my quest for fluency???? in the dream, i think i hada conversation with one of the janitors at AC en espanol - dont remember what was exchanged, just that i had perfect grammar and understood everything!!! (sounds like a dream, doesnt it?) i cannot wait to go to spain next fall. every time i think about my future or "what-i-want-to-do-when-i-get-out-of-college", i consider how spain will change my outlook and available life-plan idea pool, and i stop thinking about it. ive learned in general actually that i neednt worry about my future too much....because looking back, the majority of my most influential life decisions and experiences have happened accidentally or have fallen into my lap. for instance - and im not saying these have been the most important, just that they're good examples - 1.) getting into austin college. id applied to many schools, was not worrying about it too much, and ulitmately let my leadership institute scholarship make the decision for me. easy as peach pie. and here's another one from way back - 2.) making music corp. decided the night before because id stumbled across some old sheet music. what else...oh, spain. pretty much, the decision as to which country to study in was decided for me in that they have better psych programs than other spanish-speaking countries - and that's reason enough for me. the university of malaga has classes in consumer psychology, environmental psychology, and other ones whose textbooks i might actually ENJOY reading, even in spanish. and spain itself, as i hear, kicks ass, so im in luck!! god i cant wait. this is one of those things i am doing solely for ME, only ME, and it feels good.

and on the flip side - it seems that when i ruminate over decisions too much, they either fall through or don't happen or whatever. so no worries.

6:28pm: I love Lazy Sundays - it's so great to be able to do things youve been meaning to do forever - like finally putting a picture on Facebook. I'd been getting pretty tired of seeing a question mark there. ahh, Lazy Sundays.

I had a really great weekend. i went to my friend Lynne's ranch west of Ft. Worth w/five other people. Oh it was so wonderful. The ranch is on 20,000!!! acres and just beautiful. The actual house we stayed in there probably sleeps about 15 people easily and is just pure luxury: tables made of armadillo and alligator skins, tall ceilings, , windows everywhere, deer heads on the wall, faux finish wallpaper, a giant pool overlooking the endless hills... I know this will sound bad, but it sort of reminded me of some place that George W. Bush would stay in - you know, rugged Western for the filthy rich. Or maybe something out of the set of that delightful 80s drama "Dallas". i mean these things in a good way. but all we did the whole time was experimented with varying things, slept, grilled, rode in the back of a pick-up truck, listened to country, and said "y'all" a lot. oh god, whats happening to me. really though, after seeing this part of texas, i find that i now have a great deal more Texas Pride. it's a cool state, and you sure could do worse. for instance, i wouldn't want to live in the horrible states of arkansas or indiana or oklahoma or louisiana. no offense to any natives.

anyway - i'll be going back home next weekend for friday evening and Saturday day to celebrate my dad's, sister's, and, yes, my cat's birthdays. and a couple weeks after that, colleen is flying in and we are all going to see U2!!!!! so excited. thank god i was able to get off from work

other updates: still working at pier 1. the psychologist office job thing does not appear to be going anywhere fast....i am supposed to give him Dr.Hartsell a call tomorrow, though, because he said he could "use" me this week.
what else. Ive decided to do a junior recital at Austin College in the spring. with junior recitals at my school (unlike sr. recitals), you have to split it with someone else. so i don't know who ill do it with. i want it to be someone good, preferably a guy singer so we can maybe work in a nice duet. the only problem is that the best guy (in my opinion) has been taken. and i would totally jump at the chance to do one with john, who i think has a beautiful voice, but he is inconveniently not in choir anymore..hmm..

ill figure it out. i do love that about my school's music program - even though it's lacking money, equipment, attention, etc., it's great because, for instance, even as a freshman and NON MAJOR, I got to sing one of the main duets with another freshman in some opera scenes we did; unlike in other big-time music schools, i didn't have to wait till i was an upperclasswoman to get good roles or to get to perform on my own. so THAT part is alright. and i will get to do a junior recital, singing a cumulative full half-hour of music by myself, even though I'm still a non-music major. so kudos for that, AC.

10:06pm: what an A- day. so many things went well. for one, my mother calmed down a little about jennifer's mild brush with the law...i heard my sister got a new, less-crazy roommate...i finally got in touch with colleen and managed to talk for more than 2 seconds before one of us had to go and be busy...i got a solo in choir that i really liked...oh, and i spoke my mind to someone who was being bitchy to an awkward girl that no one really likes. NOT cool, and i am glad i said something. oh, and my roommates and i went to 50% off Quizno's for dinner and then hung out, which was great. OH - and i got my Frida poster print in the mail, the painting of her that she dedicated to Leon Trotsky - it looks so beautiful on my wall. and that's it.

5:28am: i saw greenday last night and it was delightful. jimmie eat world opened and seemed to know that people didnt give a shit about them compared to greenday, and to their credit, they definitely did not overstay their welcome. so i had floor tickets and oh wow. let me say up front that i adore billie joe a. ok, so before one song, he was like "i need three people that can play drums, guitar, and bass. i need the best players in texas. im dead serious." and he picked three RANDOM people from the audience (it was obvious they were random) and each band member taught them a simple pattern or rhythm or whatever. and these three people played with b.j. singing lead for an entire song! and they were pretty good! haha, when the guy picked to play guitar ran onstage, he gave b.j. a big hug adn then b.j. grabbed his face and gave him a big kiss on the lips. and then b.j. asked him, "how old are you?" and he said "18" and then b.j. asked, "have you ever been laid?" "no" and then he said, "well thats ok, because youre gonna get laid tonight!!" oh, and then he let him keep HIS guitar. wow. and later - let's not even get into b.j.'s "somebody ___ me" routine - i just about lost it at that point. siiigghh. i love eyeliner on guys, its so sexy. maybe it's the 80s factor. but im always trying to put it on john. needless to say, im rarely successful.


oh oh and he dwelled on politics JUST long enough to say pretty much fuck you to W. (i mean, the tour is called "American Idiot" for gods sake). i cheered for that. they sure are wise. but yeah it was just the right balance between being too political and ignoring the elephant in the room. (or donkey, i should say?)

10:50am: im down in austin to see terah, then straight to houston to visit an AC friend. ive been having SO much fun down here...i think terah said it best...that its like a breath of fresh air! we havent seen each other in months but we just picked right back up. last night we got really drunk together for the first time ever, always an experience. today is recovery, and tomorrow is likely schlitterbahn (sp, all you germans??) with her and chris. good good good times. ahhh.

PS. other than last night, i also havent been wearing any makeup the past few days. (maybe that's only a big deal to me....)...its quite freeing. i feel like im giving myself to the world exactly as i came.
it makes me want to do something masculine.

11:35pm: can you tell i used www.freetranslation.com?
.........i also got a postcard from terah from germany. it says, "das leben wird immer harter. bitte schick schokolade", which apparently means, "That live becomes always harder. please stylish chocolate". yay!!

2:30pm: i just finished The Da Vinci Code. it was really good for a "popcorn" book, but I liked Angels and Demons better. the latter was less far-fetched (although some parts of both were pretty hard to believe). they were both fast reads, but i felt that Angels and Demons was more action-packed, and the science aspect was so interesting. plus, i have the best memories of reading it WHILE I WAS IN ITALY, so every day i would recognize a statue or a church that i read about in the book! but i was pleasantly surprised to discover that The Da Vinci Code is blatantly a feminist book. dan brown is the shit.

12:18pm: regrettably i backed up the side of my car against a brick mailbox the other night bc i couldnt see (my shoddy night-vision..), so now there are some scratches. I went and got an estimate from a dealership in sherman, and they said it would be $843 to fix it!!!!!! oh my christ. they said its because theyd need to repaint the whole entire side-part of my car. that seems like so much for just some touch-ups...i wonder if theyre trying to rip me off.



in other news...i went with john the other day to see the life-drawing exhibition at the college. it was so cool bc we could pick ourselves out in some of the sketches. we're going to vainly buy some and put them in the bedroom most likely. how cool.

oh - and i saw meet your meat the other day at the insistence of colleen, my mother, and jennifer. "krysten, once you see this, youll never want to eat meat again!!!!" they had proclaimed to me repeatedly. i have a lot of thoughts about it and also about vegetarianism en general. but you know what, im tired and im going to take a siesta. ill talk about it later.

1:08pm: i am at home now, and whenever im home, i feel a connection with high school/my old life and therefore an urge to post. so here i am, posting.


today i pledge to do nothing. i will not be productive. i will not accomplish a damn thing. i deserve it (i have to keep telling myself that). i cant WAIT.

1:29pm: maybe it's weird, but...sometimes i miss high school. there was some innocence about it...a delightful lack of responsibility...esp that time period of second-semester senior year and the summer before college. everything was set and in place. eveyrthing was working out smoothly then. i was in control. things were great. i was always spending time with people, doing things ive always wanted to do. and now...things are rocky. it's been a tough past few weeks.

i have to get away. i need to study abroad somewhere. anywhere. but ive just got so much working against me that it may not happen. it needs to though - i really need to get away.

5:46pm: i just found out mrs clowe died. it's so sad. she had a massive stroke. she was my voice teacher for five years, and i actually spoke to her a couple weeks ago. she was such an amazing woman...she was always so cheerful and warm-hearted and delightfully naive. she was one of THOSE people that has that essence that you pick up on right away. and she really really inspired me with her devotion to music and that she worked and fed her passion even as an old woman....she never seemed old though. it's so sad. i feel awful for her husband. there were so many people that loved her so much. i dont know how to feel right now. i can't believe she's gone. i cant believe she wont ever be there to call up for music advice or visit on my spring break. im really going to miss her. her funeral is tuesday...im driving down. itll be tough. i bet there will be a huge turnout though.

*****sigh********

WHAT a shitty week it's been. horrible choir tour, full of drama and tears. my two good friends both got kicked out of their college-owned houses because a "friend" filed a police report and ratted on them that they had alcohol at one house (one of them is only 20), marijuana at another, a dog living at one house, and someone living at the second house that wasn't supposed to technically be there. so everyone suffers because of these petty rules, this friend's betrayal!! i can't believe it. i feel awful for them. they have nowhere to go now - the year's almost up.

5:08am: it's five am and i think im getting sick. it's so frustrating when you cant breathe. i think id rather be in some sort of pain than have a stuffy nose. when im sick i always try to imagine something worse so i can think to myself, well, at least you're not __________. i think right now it would be at least im not vomiting. now THAT sucks - id rather have a stuffy nose any day. how can anyone be bulimic? throwing up is one of the most unpleasant bodily functions i can imagine right now.

i want a cat. i wish i wasnt allergic.

colleen was telling me that having mary jane has made her life so much better, that her apt is actually worth coming home to now. im jealous. none of my friends have cats to speak of, so all i have at the moment to fill that hole in my heart is either a little rat terrier puppy a few streets over that might as well be a cat, or the sherman animal shelter. which can be depressing.

ok, im going to try to go back to sleep.

3:58pm: memorables
"communism is like a dress that looks great on the hanger but when you try it on it bunches in all the wrong places"

"sheep oil comes when you squeeze sheeps" [SIC]

"poke my cervix"

"poooooope!! it's time to get up! pooooope! you have to put on your hat and say hello to the people!"

"i have a sex dwarf in the back-seat...whats that? oh its nothing. but now i have your attention"

well those were soem of many REALLY good ones.

oh and i can't say this, but..... a former teacher of many people adn who is also the mother of my best friend bought liquor for us and made us drinks. it was so ironic and memorable. im so glad i went down there!